I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
