Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
