Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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