i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i already hear my dad disowning me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
