his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
