last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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