you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
