How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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