Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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