We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
