i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
