yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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