so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
