Got a toothbrush?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize