your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize