He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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