"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
