Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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