Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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