All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
