Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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