i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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