i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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