I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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