dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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