You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
