thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
