He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
