I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
