she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
