Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
