I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
