You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just gargled with NyQuil
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
