not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
