Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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