MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
