she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
