if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Panties = found
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
