i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
