I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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