You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
