i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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