I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
