I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
