I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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