My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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