I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
