im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
