dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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