I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
