She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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