i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
