a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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