did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
