you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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