tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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