More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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