my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
