This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
