i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Holy sore nipples Batman
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
