New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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