some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
