In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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