just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i already hear my dad disowning me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
