It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
