The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
