he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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