Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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