just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
