she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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