im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
