she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I touched a dick in church today
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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