Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
