i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
