ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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