All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize