Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she was so not down for the gang bang
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
only if we run a train.
done.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
