I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
