I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
