K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
