R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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