dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
