Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
