I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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